Yesterday I went to try out Shish Cafe. I had a hot chocolate, the chocolate was a little too dark for my taste but it was still good. I sat for a while watching the people walk by on the sidewalk, taking advantage of the wifi, you know normal coffee shop type things.
When I left I wandered a block over to Wet Paint, an art supply store I had been to once before, years ago. (Wet Paint used to be the only place in all of MN to get Montana Gold spraypaint. Now you can get it at Dick Blick too.) I enjoy browsing art stores, even if I don't need anything or have any project in mind. I made a quick loop around most of the store but got held captive by their journal and notebook section.
I was taking my time in this section, looking for a gem hidden among all the plain boring notebooks. An employee came up to me and asked the question all of us are familiar with "Can I help you find anything today?" I answered what most people answer to that question "No thanks, I'm just browsing." What I was doing would probably be better characterized as window shopping. Did I already have a brand new journal in my bag that I hadn't even used yet? Yes. Would that stop me from buying another notebook if a good one caught my eye? Definitely not. The salesman asked me another queston that I honestly don't exactly remember, it was something about journals. In my head I said “Don't you know 'just browsing' is salesman code for 'leave me alone'” but what I actually said was “I like getting new notebooks almost as much as I like filling them up.” I eventually found a notebook that intrigued me enough to buy, then I had to find a pen to go with it. I have this weird thing where I will only use one pen with each journal. It adds to the character of the journal. I don't know when it started but it's the rule and I have to follow it.
Looking back on may statement it is not true at all. I like the feeling that comes from filling a notebook up completely but really it is not too often that I actually do. Off the top of my head I can only think of two journals I have filled every page of. I couldn't even count how many I have started and moved on from before reaching that final page. Just because I haven't covered every square inch of paper doesn't mean it isn't finished. Each journal is a chapter; some chapters are about more important subjects than others, some are longer, some chapters overlap each other chronologically, but they are all special. I can take the smallest glance at the cover of a journal or the color pen it is written in and tell you when I wrote it and what major events are in it. The plaid cover holds the story of the first time my heart was broken. The journal written in silver sharpie is from my senior year of high school, mostly written when I was supposed to be listening in AP physics. The journal written completely in code I wrote mostly between 3 and 6 A.M. while working as a redshirt at the student center desk.
While I like finishing a journal, I love getting a new notebook, not just another one like all the others, but something new, something different, something special. You get to examine it for the first time, feel the texture of the pages I love seeing the blank pages and wondering and imagining what is going to fill them. It starts with wondering the simple things. What pen should I use with this? Is this book going to be filled with doodles? Am I just going to be using this to write down little notes about things I can't forget? Is this notebook special enough to be an actual journal? Will I actually be able to journal in this one everyday or will I last my regular two weeks and then skip a bunch of days? Then it moves on to the imagining. Where will I be when I finish this journal? What will happen to me along the way and fill its pages? What girl am I going to like that this journal will be the first (and sometimes only) person I tell about her? What new things will I learn? How will I change over the course of this journal?
A new journal is limitless possibilities.