Stories from Las Vegas - My dinner date with destiny: Boys braving their best against a beastly burrito.
The week before I came to Vegas I saw the "Man Vs. Food" episode with the Big Badass Burrito. A monster weighing in at 6 pounds, measuring 2 feet long. I knew that it was something I would have to try while I was here. I thought it was something I might be able to do. Was I confident? no. Was I hopeful? definitely.
My dad got to the NASCAR Cafe before I did. I called him as I was boarding the monorail and he told me that there were already two guys trying the B3 challenge. By the time I got off the monorail and walked through the Sahara casino one of them had already left the table and run off to the bathrooms, which were a concerning distance away, he wasn't going to be able to hold his down.
Between the time when I ordered and when my burrito came out, they understandably take a while to cook, the burrito claimed its second casuality as Matt waived his napkin as a white flag of surrender. This was a little concerning to me, but I knew the stats before I came in. The burrito had now claimed all but 4 of the 280 challengers as its victims. Matt retreated to the bar with his friends, only a few feet away from the roped off challenge zone.
Finally they brought out my burrito. Nothing I had seen before quite prepared me for how big this burrito actually was. Seeing the Man Vs. Food episode, pictures on the internet, the half eaten burritos that had just repelled their attackers, even reading the massive list of ingrediants, none of these can help you fully comprehend the massivity of this burrito. (Yes, I did just make up a word to describe how extremely massive this burrito is.) The B3 weighs about as much as I did when I was born, twice as much as my dad did when he was born.
I started my burrito at 6:31. You get an hour and a half to complete the burrito, that gave me until just after 9. I was quite hungry so I started out strong. It helps that the burrito is absolutely delicious. It was such a joy to eat the first bit that if it were an average sized burrito I imagine it would have taken merely seconds to conquer. I had finished a third of the burrito in just a little over fifteen minutes. I was doing great, I was on track.
Matt and his friends (two girls and a guy) would turn around from the bar every once in a while and check my progress. Now they asked my name and started cheering for me. The girls would cheer me on and then console Matt. I would be lying if I said I wasn't trying harder once two cute girls started cheering for me. About thirty minutes into my attempt Matt said he was "going to go pull the trigger." He came back from the bathroom some minutes later looking much better.
It is an odd expierence doing an eating challenge. You become the center of attention. People walk by an know what you are attempting. Everyone has advice on how you should do it or is wondering how you're doing. One girl asked what my strategy was I said "I put the food in my mouth then I chew and swallow. Basically that over and over again." The girls mainly watch in utter amazement. Just about every guy who sees you says "I could eat that." Either that or they tell their friend they could do it and they should try. For all the people who "could definitely eat one" few actually tried.
Two friends, Adam and Steve, convinced each other to try the B3 challenge. It was nice to have companions in the fight against the burrito. There is a bond that formed between us as we battled the beast. Steve and I both agree that the worst bites where when you got a lot of sour cream or guacamole, cold and slimy. Jalepenos also posed a great obstacle, when you get a bite chalk full of jalepeno it really makes you question how much more you can eat.
About fifty minutes in I was two thirds done. One of the waitresses told me that everyone who had finished had done it in under half an hour. I was definitely starting to slow down. I had eaten so much so fast that I not sure when my stomach stopped aching from being hungry and started aching from being full. I wasn't going to give up yet. How could I with girls cheering me on.
A table of guys began being very vocal about the burrito challengers. The table was sharing a 180 oz tower of beer, you could tell that this was not their first stop of the night either. The main one went back and forth between rooting for me with complete confidence and being sure that I was going to fail. At the hour mark I was starting to agree with the half of him that didn't think I was going to make it. Most of my bites at this point where when the girls would turn around to see how I was doing.
Adam and Steve were starting strong much like I did. I told them what the waitress told me about finishing in a half hour. "You can definitely feel it when you hit the wall." Giving advice like a veteran when I still was in the midst of my war. Two more men stepped into the fray and started their own struggle against the burrito.
The girls left when I had about 20 minutes to go. With them went most of the motivation I had left. The last third was still mostly on my plate. I would have to eat the final third at about the same pace I ate the first third. There was just no way that was going to happen. I knew the burrito had finished me, but I wasn't giving up without a fight. I was going to go out shooting. I kept plugging away. Slowly but surely, bite by (increasingly smaller) bite.
I ended up running out of time. I had eaten a little over 4 and half pounds. I did the best I could but the B3 did what it did best. As it says on the back of my new pink Certified Weenie shirt "I was defeated by the big badass burrito. The 6 pound, 24 inch burrito, seperating the winners from weenies daily."
The Burrito filled my stomach and it crushed my soul, just like it did to so many before me. I am proud to say I at least held my own against the burrito. I didn't have to run off to the bathroom to vomit (or anything else). I didn't wave the napkin flag of defeat. Did I feel ashamed I couldn't finish, no. I just felt really full.
Adam and Steve gave surrendered less than five minutes after my time ran out. I didn't stay to see the final outcome of the two others who started their fight later but from the looks of things their defeat wasn't far away either.
What can I take away from this (hopefully) once in a lifetime experience?
1- Chicks dig guys eating giant burritos.
2- Apparently you have to eat faster than I did.
3- Guacamole is never your friend.
4- There is a bond like few I have ever experienced that comes from undertaking and impossible (however silly) task with someone. We have been through something most will never be able to imagine or fully understand.
For he today that eats burrito with me shall be my brother
We few, we happy few, we band of weenies.
Jetlev - water propelled jetpack. Mom and Dad I take back all my votes for jetskis. You should get these instead.
[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7-KczCp0OQ4?wmode=transparent]
Oh my goodness do I want one of these. Basically a water powered jetpack connected to a small engine vessel that stays in the water.
It has a top speed of 40 mph and at full throttle could go for over an hour.
If you watched the video and don't want one then some nice men in white coats are coming to get you.
I have always been a fan of exploded diagrams. Adam Voorhes takes it one step further with exploded photography.
These images study the parts and makings of objects. How does an Etch-A-Sketch work? How involved are the insides of a rotary phone? With the help of Adam Fortner, Robin Finlay, and a little guidance from GSD&M's Will Chau, we ripped things apart and took a peek." You should also check out his about me page.
He has a really fresh approach to the about me page that I have never seen before.
The most original furniture I have seen in a while.
Judson Beaumont has created some of the craziest furniture I have ever seen.
I can't think of any other time I have thought "I really want that dresser."
The Oops Dresser
The Beaver Cabinet
Anne Armoire
Raymond Dresser
Sullivan Clock
Tear Away Bench
Little Black Dresser
<Via IfItsHipItsHere>
Great posters for the British Academy Film & Television Awards by Travis Coburn
This poster for "The Hurt Locker" is by far my favorite. This is the first that I have heard of Travis Coburn but you can bet that I am going to be paying attention to him from now on.
I love the subtle references to how "Avatar" was made. Wireframe on the face showing the computer animation and slight red and blue outlinets illustrating the film being in 3D.
I wouldn't even mind going to prison if i got to go to this one
It will have Phillips natural lighting, gym, rock climbing wall, and even a music studio. What do I have to do to get in a Norwegian prison?<Halden Prison via Gizmodo>
The different names boys and girls have for colors.
The only caveat is that guys for some reason know the different shades of pink when they’re wearing one. “It’s salmon, dude!”